Hi, how's everyone? Life for me feels a little bit crazy. I wrote a diary entry a couple of weeks ago, but hang my head in shame as I don't know what I have done with it (can I blame the brain cancer?).

The general gist of things was to apologise for sounding so miserable in my last entry.

The truth is, things had been getting me down. Basically, just a lack of energy and my concern for Tom and the boys.

Ironically, Tom and I moved house and took out life insurance policies which the insurance company will now not honour because I am dying.

We have involved the Ombudsman who has been fab, but sadly we left it too late and it is now out of their jurisdiction.

Naturally, I am mortified because all I want is to know that my family will be okay emotionally, physically, practically and, indeed, financially. Yet, in my health state I don't really feel strong enough to take the company on.

Anyway, that's been hanging over us and I worry about that.

I only came out of hospital on Wednesday after a couple of weeks, having had a bad reaction to my chemotherapy which has been put on hold for a while. Loads of stuff went wrong medically. My blood count and calcium levels became too low and I picked up an infection.

I have no idea what medication I have been taking, but I know it has been plentiful and I have some lovely intravenous bruises in my hands, arms, feet and groin.

Actually, the hospital break has done me the world of good. I had a really quiet room and very few visitors. Those that came, much to my pleasure, had to wear plastic aprons and gloves because of the risk of more infection.

I have managed to write some important notes to special people and sorted through my wishes for my funeral in far more detail, including a quiz for my funeral reception, but Tom's not too sure about that. I can tell he finds it all very hard to talk about.

Anyway, the main reason for this entry is an apology for being a miserable old bag last time I gave an entry. So A is for apology for being such a miserable old bag, B is for beware, I'm back and feeling good and C is because I'm planning stuff for the future, back being totally positive and setting small targets with stuff to look forward to.

I've booked tickets for wrestling (as spectators, that is), have already lunched and caught up with friends, with champagne and we are trying to arrange a trip to Chessington or Thorpe Park for the half-term as it was a specific request from Lewis and something he has never done.

Tom and the boys are doing really well. I have been finding things hard, but my hospital break and all the help from my mum and her husband David has enabled me to get things back into perspective.

I'm totally tired, still eating way too much and still very run down. I'll be back on my chemo at a reduced rate and my Zometa, which is the treatment for my bone cancer, next week.

I really didn't want to go into hospital and don't think I expected to come out, but you know I am like a new person. I trusted the doctors, although half the time I had no idea what I was taking, but I think the staff at Worthing Hospital are fabulous and I cannot commend them enough for the unscrupulous care that they have yet again provided for me.

Not to mention my friend, Sue, who kindly came and sorted my nails out which were driving me potty and are now looking lovely.