After a nine-year hiatus Kosher crooner Lenny Beige is back at the Brighton Festival. From what he tells us during a repertoire that includes Goldfinger, Pop Goes The Weasel and a lounge version of the Oompa Loompa song, little has changed - other than his tan, which is darker, and his ex-wife, who is now a man. Denise (the ex) is apparently still "a bitch" - she's just "dropped the e' from the end of her name, grown a penis and kept the moustache".

Between high kicks and streaking pan stick there were tales from his hometown, St Lenny. Only Beige Eyes, as he claims he's known, could make St Leonards sound more glamorous than Joan Collins' walk-in wardrobe but using a bizarre metaphor that cast St Lenny as a golden cashew in a bag full of monkey nuts, he did. He ended the night with a groin strain and the audience left with a stitch.