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2:30pm Saturday 12th September 2009 in
Many men find asking a girl out one of the most terrifying experiences of their life.
But Neil Dando fears his “loveshyness” will prevent him ever becoming involved in a relationship.
Neil cannot approach a girl without becoming a nervous wreck and suffering extreme anxiety.
Despite suffering from stress most of his life, the 27-year-old, who has never kissed a woman, has only recently accepted the psychological problem.
He said: “It’s such a difficult thing to explain.
“I experience a whole range of emotions, from depression to sheer anger. Then I feel a little foolish for not being able to just get over it.
“There are times when I think it may have disappeared but then a week later I’m shaking all over the place.
“At work, because it’s purely professional, it’s fine. It’s only when I get attracted to a girl that it really affects me. There have even been cases when I’ve pretended to like somebody just to see if I can get over it.
“But the more I talk, the more I start thinking and the same anxiety halts me mid-sentence.”
Neil, from Worthing, has spoken out to raise awareness about what he describes as a “chronic shyness.”
While not an officially registered condition, he says it makes him continually stressed.
He only recently discovered about his chronic shyness and has been using an internet message board to communicate with others experiencing the same trauma.
Neil said: “I picked up a book about the subject which made me realise there were others like me with the same problems. I realised I’d been foolish spending my life thinking I’d just been unlucky and that someone would come along eventually.
“I have to push myself to get over being love-shy otherwise I’ll probably be alone my whole life.”
The term “love-shyness” was coined by American professor Brian Gilmartin.
In his 1987 book, Shyness And Love: Causes, Consequences And Treatment, he said it affected about 1.7 million men in the US.
Professor Gilmartin said: “Shyness inhibits people from assuming a sense of responsibility for their behaviour. It makes them feel and truly believe they are not in the driver’s seat of their own lives and destinies.”
Comments(39)
chroma
says...
4:26pm Sat 12 Sep 09
withn
says...
4:42pm Sat 12 Sep 09
Variable
says...
5:00pm Sat 12 Sep 09
Variable
says...
5:02pm Sat 12 Sep 09
withnoname
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5:42pm Sat 12 Sep 09
Whitedot
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6:01pm Sat 12 Sep 09
Jay-kay
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7:18pm Sat 12 Sep 09
withn wrote:ha ha very funny... all he needs to do is make sure his breath is fresh go sown west street after midnight and there sure to be some slapper who will stick her tongue down his shy little neck
Try a man it's much better
Variable
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7:38pm Sat 12 Sep 09
cheezburger
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8:07pm Sat 12 Sep 09
withnoname
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9:01pm Sat 12 Sep 09
cheezburger wrote:i don,t think it is a windup.
Does he get hankies delivered by the truck load? Actually i think this is a wind up. If he is so shy then the very last thing he will do is call The Argus and get his pic taken. Maybe he is just after some offers?
Gary Manilow
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9:43pm Sat 12 Sep 09
Bruce Gyngell
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11:31pm Sat 12 Sep 09
bugmenot
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11:38pm Sat 12 Sep 09
Irish_Bourne
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12:45am Sun 13 Sep 09
shawnfromnh
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12:55am Sun 13 Sep 09
cherfan69
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1:27am Sun 13 Sep 09
cheezburger wrote:hehhehehhe,
Does he get hankies delivered by the truck load? Actually i think this is a wind up. If he is so shy then the very last thing he will do is call The Argus and get his pic taken. Maybe he is just after some offers?
robcash
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5:10am Sun 13 Sep 09
Variable
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2:49pm Sun 13 Sep 09
Barney McGrew
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2:50pm Sun 13 Sep 09
emma barnes
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3:48pm Sun 13 Sep 09
subton
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4:52pm Sun 13 Sep 09
LilaMae
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5:05pm Sun 13 Sep 09
shawnfromnh
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6:15pm Sun 13 Sep 09
LilaMae wrote:Well as for intensity you are right. Since unlike all the men that have been in relationships for their entire lives and are possibly almost bored with sex and emotionally settled this man will be different.
Just reading this makes me want to cuddle the poor thing in my arms. I bet other women out there reading this are thinking the same thing and I'm pretty sure his situation will change.
What I would be more concerned with would be the sheer intensity of the flood of emotions that would come with a first romantic relationship at that age. I'd be extremely careful.
(good luck and xxoo from across the pond)
Antonio Garcia
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1:43am Mon 14 Sep 09
Antonio Garcia
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1:46am Mon 14 Sep 09
dodgy
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9:14am Mon 14 Sep 09
tinkywinky
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10:15am Mon 14 Sep 09
Jay-kay
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11:05am Mon 14 Sep 09
Randy Lahey
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11:22am Mon 14 Sep 09
tinkywinky wrote:What are you doing?
I'm sure there must be a nice blind lady out there who wont know hes a ginger.
E Bygumm
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11:29am Mon 14 Sep 09
jayjay87
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1:03pm Mon 14 Sep 09
Eric Hitchmo
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1:21pm Mon 14 Sep 09
Eric Hitchmo
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1:21pm Mon 14 Sep 09
GarryNelson'sLeftFoot
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4:04pm Mon 14 Sep 09
Variable
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5:42pm Mon 14 Sep 09
Joeinbrighton
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4:45pm Tue 15 Sep 09
disgruntledHove
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8:21pm Tue 15 Sep 09
Isabel
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4:51pm Thu 17 Sep 09
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Kemptress says...
3:08pm Sat 12 Sep 09