Meet the man so shy he's never even kissed a woman

2:30pm Saturday 12th September 2009 in News By Tim Ridgway, Local government reporter

Neil Dando suffers such bad anxiety that he cannot talk to girls Neil Dando suffers such bad anxiety that he cannot talk to girls

Many men find asking a girl out one of the most terrifying experiences of their life.

But Neil Dando fears his “loveshyness” will prevent him ever becoming involved in a relationship.

Neil cannot approach a girl without becoming a nervous wreck and suffering extreme anxiety.

Despite suffering from stress most of his life, the 27-year-old, who has never kissed a woman, has only recently accepted the psychological problem.

He said: “It’s such a difficult thing to explain.

“I experience a whole range of emotions, from depression to sheer anger. Then I feel a little foolish for not being able to just get over it.

“There are times when I think it may have disappeared but then a week later I’m shaking all over the place.

“At work, because it’s purely professional, it’s fine. It’s only when I get attracted to a girl that it really affects me. There have even been cases when I’ve pretended to like somebody just to see if I can get over it.

“But the more I talk, the more I start thinking and the same anxiety halts me mid-sentence.”

Neil, from Worthing, has spoken out to raise awareness about what he describes as a “chronic shyness.”

While not an officially registered condition, he says it makes him continually stressed.

He only recently discovered about his chronic shyness and has been using an internet message board to communicate with others experiencing the same trauma.

Neil said: “I picked up a book about the subject which made me realise there were others like me with the same problems. I realised I’d been foolish spending my life thinking I’d just been unlucky and that someone would come along eventually.

“I have to push myself to get over being love-shy otherwise I’ll probably be alone my whole life.”

The term “love-shyness” was coined by American professor Brian Gilmartin.

In his 1987 book, Shyness And Love: Causes, Consequences And Treatment, he said it affected about 1.7 million men in the US.

Professor Gilmartin said: “Shyness inhibits people from assuming a sense of responsibility for their behaviour. It makes them feel and truly believe they are not in the driver’s seat of their own lives and destinies.”

Comments(39)

Kemptress says...
3:08pm Sat 12 Sep 09

I wonder how Neil is with animals? If he's in a position to have & care for a pet, perhaps he should consider going to one of the local animal shelters and adopting one. Animals provide wonderful companionship & may even help him overcome his shyness. (-:

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chroma says...
4:26pm Sat 12 Sep 09

Goodness sake, what's this guy's problem?
too shy to kiss a girl and yet he's appears in the Argus?

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withn says...
4:42pm Sat 12 Sep 09

Try a man it's much better

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Variable says...
5:00pm Sat 12 Sep 09

*gets popcorn*

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Variable says...
5:02pm Sat 12 Sep 09

What's his Fark handle? No way can this man NOT be on Fark.

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withnoname says...
5:42pm Sat 12 Sep 09

Honestly,haven,t any of you been there at some point in your lives?.
Shyness is an affliction and is not something to be trifled at.
I hope in the not too distant future he will meet someone very understanding and that can help him to overcome his shyness.Shyness is not easy to live with and can be a barrier to making friends.Not everyone has the gift of the gab.

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Whitedot says...
6:01pm Sat 12 Sep 09

Ah bless him, I'm sure theres a sweet equally shy girl out there somewhere.

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Jay-kay says...
7:18pm Sat 12 Sep 09

withn wrote:
Try a man it's much better
ha ha very funny... all he needs to do is make sure his breath is fresh go sown west street after midnight and there sure to be some slapper who will stick her tongue down his shy little neck

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Variable says...
7:38pm Sat 12 Sep 09

Woo. Another greenlight on Fark.com. Keep 'em coming, Argus.

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cheezburger says...
8:07pm Sat 12 Sep 09

Does he get hankies delivered by the truck load?

Actually i think this is a wind up. If he is so shy then the very last thing he will do is call The Argus and get his pic taken. Maybe he is just after some offers?

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withnoname says...
9:01pm Sat 12 Sep 09

cheezburger wrote:
Does he get hankies delivered by the truck load? Actually i think this is a wind up. If he is so shy then the very last thing he will do is call The Argus and get his pic taken. Maybe he is just after some offers?
i don,t think it is a windup.

Lets face it even shy people will go through a lonely hearts column because they are shy.Why should having his picture and story be any different?.
I say good for him as there maybe someone out there that IS undertanding of his plight and help him to overcome the shyness.Not an easy situation to live with if people mock it.

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Gary Manilow says...
9:43pm Sat 12 Sep 09

If he stays sat like that every day, sooner or later someone will come along and say "I want your socks"

Good luck to him.

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Bruce Gyngell says...
11:31pm Sat 12 Sep 09

With those clompy shoes and nasty diamond cut socks, its no wonder he never had a "slice of the damp"

Bring on Tranny and Susannah!

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bugmenot says...
11:38pm Sat 12 Sep 09

Get a hooker

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Irish_Bourne says...
12:45am Sun 13 Sep 09

Everybody on the planet has had someone of the opposite sex show an interest in them at some time or another, its just not possible to have reached the age of 27 and not even have kissed a girl. Exactly what the hell have you been doing all these years? You must have been fighting your own impluese as you balls do take over sometimes and just drive you to have sex. Seriously mate you need one good solid kick in the hole. Dress it up all you want, your just very pathetic. This illness you have is something every guy went through starting out in life, we just got over it during our teens

And how is advertising this on you local newspaper going to help you? You've be watching too many chick flics if you think some lady is going to approach you now to sort you out.

Im begining to wonder if this is actually a severe case of closet homosexuality.


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shawnfromnh says...
12:55am Sun 13 Sep 09

I can totally relate to this guy. I have the same problem though getting drunk or stoned has gotten me past the getting kissed stage a few times and then I'm fine around her till I have to ask someone else out.

When you have this you are scared, panic attacks, hyper, can't stop thinking, shaking, sweating extremely, can't stop talking, say the wrong thing, or just can't approach or even look at her at all but only with someone I'm attracted to.

I am 46 and when I am thinking about approaching a woman it's like the first time I've done it in my life. I think it's because people that are this shy are very emotional when it comes to partners. I find men that just sleep around are doing something that feels absolutely foreign to me since I tried it a couple of times when drunk or stoned and it just was wrong. There was no connection at all.

The part about work though is right on the money. I can sit around with coworkers and laugh and even tell raunchy jokes without a problem but that is only because I know I'm at work and not in a possible dating situation.

Lastly no matter what you think a shy person CANNOT just be themselves asking someone out since the hormonal/adrenaline rush is so much you almost feel like you're going to pass out. You would actually have to be me to realize how extreme this reaction is, but it's amazing how fast it goes away once she is kissing you, I haven't figured out that part yet and I'll probably be dead before I do.

For people out there. If you know a guy that's shy then set him up with a nice girl. He will never cheat on her since he doesn't have the capability to and let her know that once he knows she likes him and is not leaving he will let his real self show. I know this from experience.

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cherfan69 says...
1:27am Sun 13 Sep 09

cheezburger wrote:
Does he get hankies delivered by the truck load? Actually i think this is a wind up. If he is so shy then the very last thing he will do is call The Argus and get his pic taken. Maybe he is just after some offers?
hehhehehhe,
Literally get over it. Your not shy enough to not broadcast it round Brighton. It you think anyone will touch you now your deluded. Yes we are all shy at times but god get some self asteem. I have no Sympathy. Did u never kiss ur mum?

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robcash says...
5:10am Sun 13 Sep 09

Shyness is nice, and
Shyness can stop you
From doing all the things in life
You'd like to...

"Ask" - The Smiths

sorry, just seemed appropriate....

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Variable says...
2:49pm Sun 13 Sep 09

Wow. 16,173 hits from Fark so far. And check out the comments. He's not alone.
http://www.fark.com/
cgi/comments.pl?IDLi
nk=4632742

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Barney McGrew says...
2:50pm Sun 13 Sep 09

Blimey charlie! As one previous comment said, too shy to kiss a girl then reporting it to the argus for more ridicule.. We've all been shy sometimes, i'd kiss a girl if i fancied her but would never have my picture in the argus, no way.. I suggest 3 pints of strong lager.. Either that or get down the Jack Horner.. Good luck!

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emma barnes says...
3:48pm Sun 13 Sep 09

Top Totty

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subton says...
4:52pm Sun 13 Sep 09

Ridiculing someone doesn't help. I am shy myself, though not as bad as this bloke, I have had a couple of relationships.
I have lots of female friends, but I'd freeze if I had to ask one out. I got all tongue tied with my last girlfriend, to the extent that she asked me if I was trying to ask her out. When I replied yes, Iam, in my hamfisted way, she smiled and replied, 'Alright then'.
I have to agree with others though, I could never have my photo taken by a news-paper, or appear on TV for that matter :)

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LilaMae says...
5:05pm Sun 13 Sep 09

Just reading this makes me want to cuddle the poor thing in my arms. I bet other women out there reading this are thinking the same thing and I'm pretty sure his situation will change.

What I would be more concerned with would be the sheer intensity of the flood of emotions that would come with a first romantic relationship at that age. I'd be extremely careful.

(good luck and xxoo from across the pond)

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shawnfromnh says...
6:15pm Sun 13 Sep 09

LilaMae wrote:
Just reading this makes me want to cuddle the poor thing in my arms. I bet other women out there reading this are thinking the same thing and I'm pretty sure his situation will change.

What I would be more concerned with would be the sheer intensity of the flood of emotions that would come with a first romantic relationship at that age. I'd be extremely careful.

(good luck and xxoo from across the pond)
Well as for intensity you are right. Since unlike all the men that have been in relationships for their entire lives and are possibly almost bored with sex and emotionally settled this man will be different.

I believe if a woman is with this man she should be ready for a guy who bonds intense but caring as well emotional bond and the sexual drive of an 18 year old once he's out of his shell. I know it was this way with me at least.

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Antonio Garcia says...
1:43am Mon 14 Sep 09

I don't think the guys missing much a matter of fact personally the most fulfilling/rewarding time for me is by myself

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Antonio Garcia says...
1:46am Mon 14 Sep 09

Id rather kiss myself because you never know were the other persons mouth has been

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dodgy says...
9:14am Mon 14 Sep 09

I don't really get this article.
Personally I consider myself an outgoing person, mostly always had a girlfriend (it's not it's all cracked up to be mate!). But to have a personal article in the paper!!!! I'm way too shy! With a photo!!! Never.
I always thought cronically shy people had lots of hair to hide behind. Thats what it said on open university anyway.

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tinkywinky says...
10:15am Mon 14 Sep 09

I'm sure there must be a nice blind lady out there who wont know hes a ginger.

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Jay-kay says...
11:05am Mon 14 Sep 09

he does like rather gay so maybe he should try going down dukes mound.... he`ll get more than kiss down there from some NICE bloke lol

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Randy Lahey says...
11:22am Mon 14 Sep 09

tinkywinky wrote:
I'm sure there must be a nice blind lady out there who wont know hes a ginger.
What are you doing?

You are making fun of someone less fortunate than you.

Does that make you feel satisfied ?

S/W Awful human being.

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E Bygumm says...
11:29am Mon 14 Sep 09

Looking at the picture he certainly doesn't practice safe socks.

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jayjay87 says...
1:03pm Mon 14 Sep 09

27 year old virgin.

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Eric Hitchmo says...
1:21pm Mon 14 Sep 09

If everyone here donated £2, we would raise enough to buy him more than a kiss

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Eric Hitchmo says...
1:21pm Mon 14 Sep 09

If everyone here donated £2, we would raise enough to buy him more than a kiss

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GarryNelson'sLeftFoot says...
4:04pm Mon 14 Sep 09

Anyway - kissing girls is dangerous. I did it once and now I'm married with three kids.


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Variable says...
5:42pm Mon 14 Sep 09

This story is still spinning on Fark. Just over 20,000 hits and 400 comments so far.
The boy's famous!
And he is so not alone.

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Joeinbrighton says...
4:45pm Tue 15 Sep 09

Nothing like judging a book by its cover, is there? I can identify to some degree with the subject of this article, as I too have in the past had difficulty in initiating potentially romantic situations with the fairer sex. Life's experiences have gradually given me more confidence to do this, but everyone is made differently. I'm sure that Mr Dando will one day meet his beau once he starts to move in new social circles and when he does, he will get to appreciate the moment all the more.

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disgruntledHove says...
8:21pm Tue 15 Sep 09

Being shy with the opposite sex does not have to mean he is shy of the press....As he says, he is not shy in ordinary social situations.
Some of you people really need to look at yourselves and see if there is anything worth salvaging. God made a big mistake putting teeth in your bottoms!

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Isabel says...
4:51pm Thu 17 Sep 09

Aww bless, bet he will get loads of offers after people reading the article.
If he really is a good kind bloke then he will meet someone eventually...

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