Meet the man so shy he's never even kissed a woman (From The Argus)
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Meet the man so shy he's never even kissed a woman
2:30pm Saturday 12th September 2009 in
Many men find asking a girl out one of the most terrifying experiences of their life.
But Neil Dando fears his “loveshyness” will prevent him ever becoming involved in a relationship.
Neil cannot approach a girl without becoming a nervous wreck and suffering extreme anxiety.
Despite suffering from stress most of his life, the 27-year-old, who has never kissed a woman, has only recently accepted the psychological problem.
He said: “It’s such a difficult thing to explain.
“I experience a whole range of emotions, from depression to sheer anger. Then I feel a little foolish for not being able to just get over it.
“There are times when I think it may have disappeared but then a week later I’m shaking all over the place.
“At work, because it’s purely professional, it’s fine. It’s only when I get attracted to a girl that it really affects me. There have even been cases when I’ve pretended to like somebody just to see if I can get over it.
“But the more I talk, the more I start thinking and the same anxiety halts me mid-sentence.”
Neil, from Worthing, has spoken out to raise awareness about what he describes as a “chronic shyness.”
While not an officially registered condition, he says it makes him continually stressed.
He only recently discovered about his chronic shyness and has been using an internet message board to communicate with others experiencing the same trauma.
Neil said: “I picked up a book about the subject which made me realise there were others like me with the same problems. I realised I’d been foolish spending my life thinking I’d just been unlucky and that someone would come along eventually.
“I have to push myself to get over being love-shy otherwise I’ll probably be alone my whole life.”
The term “love-shyness” was coined by American professor Brian Gilmartin.
In his 1987 book, Shyness And Love: Causes, Consequences And Treatment, he said it affected about 1.7 million men in the US.
Professor Gilmartin said: “Shyness inhibits people from assuming a sense of responsibility for their behaviour. It makes them feel and truly believe they are not in the driver’s seat of their own lives and destinies.”
Comments(39)
chroma
says...
4:26pm Sat 12 Sep 09
too shy to kiss a girl and yet he's appears in the Argus?
withn
says...
4:42pm Sat 12 Sep 09
Variable
says...
5:00pm Sat 12 Sep 09
Variable
says...
5:02pm Sat 12 Sep 09
withnoname
says...
5:42pm Sat 12 Sep 09
Shyness is an affliction and is not something to be trifled at.
I hope in the not too distant future he will meet someone very understanding and that can help him to overcome his shyness.Shyness is not easy to live with and can be a barrier to making friends.Not everyone has the gift of the gab.
Whitedot
says...
6:01pm Sat 12 Sep 09
Jay-kay
says...
7:18pm Sat 12 Sep 09
withn wrote:ha ha very funny... all he needs to do is make sure his breath is fresh go sown west street after midnight and there sure to be some slapper who will stick her tongue down his shy little neck
Try a man it's much better
Variable
says...
7:38pm Sat 12 Sep 09
cheezburger
says...
8:07pm Sat 12 Sep 09
Actually i think this is a wind up. If he is so shy then the very last thing he will do is call The Argus and get his pic taken. Maybe he is just after some offers?
withnoname
says...
9:01pm Sat 12 Sep 09
cheezburger wrote:i don,t think it is a windup.
Does he get hankies delivered by the truck load? Actually i think this is a wind up. If he is so shy then the very last thing he will do is call The Argus and get his pic taken. Maybe he is just after some offers?
Lets face it even shy people will go through a lonely hearts column because they are shy.Why should having his picture and story be any different?.
I say good for him as there maybe someone out there that IS undertanding of his plight and help him to overcome the shyness.Not an easy situation to live with if people mock it.
Gary Manilow
says...
9:43pm Sat 12 Sep 09
Good luck to him.
Bruce Gyngell
says...
11:31pm Sat 12 Sep 09
Bring on Tranny and Susannah!
bugmenot
says...
11:38pm Sat 12 Sep 09
Irish_Bourne
says...
12:45am Sun 13 Sep 09
And how is advertising this on you local newspaper going to help you? You've be watching too many chick flics if you think some lady is going to approach you now to sort you out.
Im begining to wonder if this is actually a severe case of closet homosexuality.
shawnfromnh
says...
12:55am Sun 13 Sep 09
When you have this you are scared, panic attacks, hyper, can't stop thinking, shaking, sweating extremely, can't stop talking, say the wrong thing, or just can't approach or even look at her at all but only with someone I'm attracted to.
I am 46 and when I am thinking about approaching a woman it's like the first time I've done it in my life. I think it's because people that are this shy are very emotional when it comes to partners. I find men that just sleep around are doing something that feels absolutely foreign to me since I tried it a couple of times when drunk or stoned and it just was wrong. There was no connection at all.
The part about work though is right on the money. I can sit around with coworkers and laugh and even tell raunchy jokes without a problem but that is only because I know I'm at work and not in a possible dating situation.
Lastly no matter what you think a shy person CANNOT just be themselves asking someone out since the hormonal/adrenaline rush is so much you almost feel like you're going to pass out. You would actually have to be me to realize how extreme this reaction is, but it's amazing how fast it goes away once she is kissing you, I haven't figured out that part yet and I'll probably be dead before I do.
For people out there. If you know a guy that's shy then set him up with a nice girl. He will never cheat on her since he doesn't have the capability to and let her know that once he knows she likes him and is not leaving he will let his real self show. I know this from experience.
cherfan69
says...
1:27am Sun 13 Sep 09
cheezburger wrote:hehhehehhe,
Does he get hankies delivered by the truck load? Actually i think this is a wind up. If he is so shy then the very last thing he will do is call The Argus and get his pic taken. Maybe he is just after some offers?
Literally get over it. Your not shy enough to not broadcast it round Brighton. It you think anyone will touch you now your deluded. Yes we are all shy at times but god get some self asteem. I have no Sympathy. Did u never kiss ur mum?
robcash
says...
5:10am Sun 13 Sep 09
Shyness can stop you
From doing all the things in life
You'd like to...
"Ask" - The Smiths
sorry, just seemed appropriate....
Variable
says...
2:49pm Sun 13 Sep 09
http://www.fark.com/
cgi/comments.pl?IDLi
nk=4632742
Barney McGrew
says...
2:50pm Sun 13 Sep 09
emma barnes
says...
3:48pm Sun 13 Sep 09
subton
says...
4:52pm Sun 13 Sep 09
I have lots of female friends, but I'd freeze if I had to ask one out. I got all tongue tied with my last girlfriend, to the extent that she asked me if I was trying to ask her out. When I replied yes, Iam, in my hamfisted way, she smiled and replied, 'Alright then'.
I have to agree with others though, I could never have my photo taken by a news-paper, or appear on TV for that matter :)
LilaMae
says...
5:05pm Sun 13 Sep 09
What I would be more concerned with would be the sheer intensity of the flood of emotions that would come with a first romantic relationship at that age. I'd be extremely careful.
(good luck and xxoo from across the pond)
shawnfromnh
says...
6:15pm Sun 13 Sep 09
LilaMae wrote:Well as for intensity you are right. Since unlike all the men that have been in relationships for their entire lives and are possibly almost bored with sex and emotionally settled this man will be different.
Just reading this makes me want to cuddle the poor thing in my arms. I bet other women out there reading this are thinking the same thing and I'm pretty sure his situation will change.
What I would be more concerned with would be the sheer intensity of the flood of emotions that would come with a first romantic relationship at that age. I'd be extremely careful.
(good luck and xxoo from across the pond)
I believe if a woman is with this man she should be ready for a guy who bonds intense but caring as well emotional bond and the sexual drive of an 18 year old once he's out of his shell. I know it was this way with me at least.
Antonio Garcia
says...
1:43am Mon 14 Sep 09
Antonio Garcia
says...
1:46am Mon 14 Sep 09
dodgy
says...
9:14am Mon 14 Sep 09
Personally I consider myself an outgoing person, mostly always had a girlfriend (it's not it's all cracked up to be mate!). But to have a personal article in the paper!!!! I'm way too shy! With a photo!!! Never.
I always thought cronically shy people had lots of hair to hide behind. Thats what it said on open university anyway.
tinkywinky
says...
10:15am Mon 14 Sep 09
Jay-kay
says...
11:05am Mon 14 Sep 09
Randy Lahey
says...
11:22am Mon 14 Sep 09
tinkywinky wrote:What are you doing?
I'm sure there must be a nice blind lady out there who wont know hes a ginger.
You are making fun of someone less fortunate than you.
Does that make you feel satisfied ?
S/W Awful human being.
E Bygumm
says...
11:29am Mon 14 Sep 09
jayjay87
says...
1:03pm Mon 14 Sep 09
Eric Hitchmo
says...
1:21pm Mon 14 Sep 09
Eric Hitchmo
says...
1:21pm Mon 14 Sep 09
GarryNelson'sLeftFoot
says...
4:04pm Mon 14 Sep 09
Variable
says...
5:42pm Mon 14 Sep 09
The boy's famous!
And he is so not alone.
Joeinbrighton
says...
4:45pm Tue 15 Sep 09
disgruntledHove
says...
8:21pm Tue 15 Sep 09
Some of you people really need to look at yourselves and see if there is anything worth salvaging. God made a big mistake putting teeth in your bottoms!
Isabel
says...
4:51pm Thu 17 Sep 09
If he really is a good kind bloke then he will meet someone eventually...
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Neil Dando suffers such bad anxiety that he cannot talk to girls
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Kemptress says...
3:08pm Sat 12 Sep 09