Friend, Graham, has rather publicly failed to stick to New Year Resolution, due to signal failure near Brighton.

Graham gave up smoking on January 1 and hasn't had one since - until he got stuck on a train. Actually, Graham only really gave up smoking due to signal failure at East Croydon. So I suppose it's fitting that another failing signal should cause him to take it up again.

He was coming home from London at 5am on January 1, after a party and hadn't had a cigarette since he ran out, shortly before midnight, and couldn't find anywhere open to buy any more. Then, the train was delayed and he didn't get home until about 9am and went straight to bed. By the time

he got up again, he realised he hadn't smoked for nearly 20 hours and thought he'd try another 20 hours

without smoking.

Oddly, since giving up (apart from the odd cigar, which he says doesn't count), Graham has found it much harder not to smoke in places where he was never allowed to smoke in the first place.

If he's in a crowded smoky bar with ten chain-smoking friends he has no trouble refraining from lighting up. But, when he's in a situation where no one is smoking (and if they did they'd be fined or sacked for doing so, such as at work or travelling to work) he gets all fidgety and starts pacing up and down and making irritable remarks.

So, since he gave up smoking, Graham, formerly an equitable travelling companion, has been someone I'd go to great lengths to avoid sitting next to. On the occasions when I have, the journey has been inevitably spoiled by his mounting irritation of being denied the right to smoke - even though he'd given up. Yesterday was one of them.

"I could murder a cigarette..." he began as he plonked himself down next to me. "Went to a party last night. Everyone was smoking and I managed to get through the night without trying to cadge one off a friend. But I can't stand being surrounded by all these NO SMOKING stickers trying to tempt you to have one."

Pointed out that they are actually trying to prohibit him from having one, but Graham was by this time dragging heavily on a biro and muttering "Jesus Christ. . .", the latter in response to the train shuddering to a halt not far from Brighton.

A few moments later (moments in which Graham had totally shredded the polystyrene cup which formerly contained my coffee) the guard announced we'd be here until further notice. This was too much for nicotine-starved Graham, who left me to go and pace his frustration up and down the corridor.

He returned after half an hour (half an hour in which the train had still not moved) chastened and a smoker. "I just thought if I leant out of the window and had a few drags on a cigar it would be all right. . . " he fumed. "But the bloody guard caught me and now I'll have to pay in court, which means everyone will find out. I might as well not bother any more!"

When we finally did reach Brighton, Graham was off to the nearest kiosk and is now back on 20 a day.

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.