After a hard day's work in the heat a colleague of mine returns home, has a refreshing shower and sits out in his garden in West Durrington to enjoy a chilled can of Guinness.

Then, even before the can has reached his lips, a seagull flies over and makes the biggest deposit imaginable, not only over my freshly showered colleague, but, more significantly, into the can.

As this is a family newspaper I cannot report his exact words, suffice to say they were somewhat colourful and were soon repeated when he discovered there were no more cans in the fridge.

I have talked to many people in and around the town who have been harassed by seagulls but he is the first to assure me he now has an airgun on hand and will have no qualms about shooting to kill given the opportunity.

Which begs the question whether seagulls are problem birds to be shot at or a protected species?

Please let me know, because if they are fair game, what with all the rubbish strewn around the town providing rich pickings, taking a pot shot at them might become a local pastime.

I recall a client of mine at Durrington Cemetery complaining to the council when a deer ate the flowers on a grave less than 24 hours after the funeral.

The cemetery superintendent said it was an act of nature and what did the client want him to do, shoot the deer?

"Well it would be a start," replied the bereaved relative but thankfully there has so been no re-enactment of Bambi in our local cemetery.

I would be interested to see the returns from a number of the shows being put on in the town this summer and whether or not some of them actually make a profit and are worth putting on.

The one that springs immediately to mind is the nine-piece Phil Collins tribute band No Jacket Required.

I have to say even if the real Phil was playing at the Pavilion I wouldn't cross Marine Parade to get to the theatre, so a tribute band has no chance.

And the fact there are nine people in their ranks suggests they don't come cheap.

I would be very surprised if the evening made a profit and, if that is the case, serious questions have to be asked at the council as to why loss making gigs are being put on.

No doubt someone from the Pavilion will assure me concerts such as this do make money but if you ask me it is "against all odds.'

I see the council has got the hump about Moscow State Circus's mode of advertising, specifically the fly-posting in and around the town.

Well perhaps if the local authority hadn't given in to the bunny lovers many years ago and banned animals in the shows, such an approach wouldn't have been necessary.

There's nothing like the sweet aroma of elephant dung wafting across the town in the hot weather to get the tickets moving.