Someone right down at the other end of the carriage was doing business, very loudly.

"Has anyone sent you over the figures for last month yet? ...... Right, well, I'll get Sonia to email them to you right away...... Give me a call when you've had time to look at them, OK? ..... Yeah, I'm out and about today. So, give me a call on my mobile; 07751 6354 9872 OK? Speak to you later Tom, bye."

"Selfish bastard," muttered Mark, who was sitting next to me trying to sort out some figures of his own on his laptop and did not appreciate having his thoughts interrupted by someone else's.

"Sonia," came the voice again. "Just spoken to Tom and he doesn't seem to have last month's figures yet. Could you email them over to him now?

Fantastic..... Thanks love....... I'm out and about today. So, any problems, give me a call on my mobile; 07751 6354 9872 OK? Speak to you later, love. Bye."

"Ahhh, some people!" seethed Mark. "Do you know what I want for Christmas this year?"

"Your own private jet to take you to work?" I suggested.

"No, one of those mobile phone stun guns that you can scramble other people's phone signals with," he replied, as the conversation started up again.

"Martin, Tony here.... Yeah fine thanks, and yourself? Listen Martin, I'm having last month's figures sent over to Tom to have a look at. Wouldn't mind if you could cast an eye over them yourself.... Great, thanks Martin that'd be fantastic..... Well, you know.... They're worse than predicted but better than expected, sort of thing.... Great, great. I'll get Sonia to send them over then. Speak to you later Martin..... Oh, by the way I'm out and about today. I'll give you my mobile number It's 07751 6354 9872 OK? Later Martin. Bye."

I told Mark about the elderly lady who had last week thwarted a mobile phone menace, whose loud conversations were preventing her from reading her book, by reading her book out loud. "Brilliant," enthused Mark. "Let's try that now. Go on. Give him a burst from your paper."

Somewhat reluctantly, I started reading; "The decision by Stephen Byers, the Transport Secretary to put Railtrack into administration resulted in chaos....."

"No more so than usual," interrupted Mark. "Go on..."

"After months of negotiations led by Railtrack chairman John Robinson....." I continued but my soft delivery of the business news had little effect on Tony, who I'm sure couldn't even hear me down his end of the carriage, but did start to annoy the men sitting opposite Mark and I, who were already irritated enough by Tony.

"Okay stop," said one of them.

"Sorry," I mumbled. "Just trying to stop the man on his mobile".

"I've got a better idea," said the man, as Tony finished off yet another conversation with the words; "...give me a call on my mobile; 07751 6354 9872 OK?"

The man opposite took out his own mobile phone and started dialling.

"Hallo," he said. "Is that Tony...... Tom Price here, about last month's figures...... Down on the same period last year were they? Well, that's only to be expected at times like these..... Listen, the thing is Tony, no one in the carriage is really that bothered about your figures. So we'd be grateful if you'd give the phoning a rest okay?"

Tom Price looked up. "He hung up before I'd finished," he said, putting his phone away. For a few moments the carriage was remarkably quiet. Then there was an outburst of spontaneous clapping. The someone stood up and left, slamming the door behind them.

"That was probably Tony," remarked Tom Price.