Here's a typical daily conversation: Me: "What's that?" My partner: "It's your mobile, isn't it?"

Me: "No." Partner: "Are you sure, Kate?" Me: "Yes - it is definitely not my phone." Partner: "I think it is, you know?" Me (angrily): "Well, it has stopped now anyway."

I'll admit it. I can't work out how to increase the volume on my essential accessory, my mobile. This means I miss the vast majority of the calls I receive. Thank goodness for voicemail.

Brighton and Hove is mobile mad and I am as bad as the next girl. The city has gone new media mad and you can't get on a bus without at least three other mobile phones bleeping at any given time. One of them is usually mine (blush). On a recent ride home, the one belonging to the girlie next to me started ringing. Heads turned and fingers went in ears as it was absolutely deafening. Reaching into her bag, she pulled it out and, by now, it was so loud I thought my ears were going to bleed. Stick to email, sweetheart!

New technology has seeped into all our seaside nooks (handbags) and crannies (pockets) overnight. An inordinately large number of local women wander round the Western Road, gawping at their mobiles. They either look gormless, intrigued or puzzled. We're ALL at it! Texting each other, sniggering in the street, rabbitting in the roads and prattling along the pavements. We are a mass of cackling chicks down the pub. I think you are getting the picture.

I can't count how many times I've nearly fallen flat on my face when trying to text a friend and simultaneously drink, eat and, possibly, shop. Brighton and Hove should really be packed with toothless women who have hideously scarred foreheads if my experiences are anything to go by.

The media madness continues all around us as I found out Hove office workers are being targeted with emails from RingTone Direct (www.Ring ToneDirect.com). Users call a number or visit the web site, key in a reference code and, hey bingo! Minutes later (and for a small fee) they have the logo of their choice appearing on-screen each time their mobile rings. The options are numerous: wiggly worms, killer sharks and, for the classier punters, a picture of a lady's chest. Hmmmm.

Then there has been a recent spate of billboard campaigns, most notably in the Old Steine area. They have been running adverts for digital watches which double up as mini-music machines. Now I AM confused. But if these beauties can make the tea and get the ironing done too, I might pop out and get one.

And what about lots of mobile phone accessory shops all over the place? Fonebitz on Duke Street, The One2One shop on the corner of Churchill Square, the Orange shop and a few more besides on Western Road.

Hang on, what's that? Oh, I better go, it's my mobile. I think my mum has just texted me a dirty joke.