I am amazed at the attitude of sexual health workers towards abstinence and programmes which promote it, such as The Silver Ring Thing, as discussed in the article "Is it pointless to preach chastity before marriage?" (The Argus, June 23).

It strikes me as odd they aim for an holistic approach to sex education, yet do not wish to include abstinence as an option.

Indeed, they seem to see this safest of safe sex as the most dangerous of all. Many even wish it to be specifically avoided in sex education lessons. A truly holistic approach must surely, by its very nature, include all aspects of an issue.

At the core of this attitude would seem to be a resignation to the notion children will have sex whatever they are told. After all, the sexual imagery which fills our society tells them it is okay and even actively encourages it as just another recreational activity and sex education becomes merely an exercise in damage limitation.

But this situation makes it even more vital children should be presented with the alternatives. Where else will it happen if not in the very place we teach children about sex?

Even in a society which by and large no longer takes the Christian view that sex is only for marriage, we surely still want our children to view sex as something special, not to be indulged in indiscriminately and promiscuously.

How can we teach them this without the concept of abstinence, if not until marriage then at least until a "special" relationship?

In other areas of human nature, we do not deliberately avoid teaching children ideal behaviour simply because they will find it difficult or because their inclination is to do something different.

Children who are thoughtless or angry, for example, are encouraged to be considerate or controlled, even though we know they will not always live up to this teaching.

Why is sex the only area of behaviour where we do not expect people to control themselves?

This is not just about the practicalities of sex, STDs and contraception. It is also about the sort of people we want our children to be and the way we want them to see themselves and those around them.

The recent TV series, Romance Academy, showed clearly what a difference can be made to young peoples' outlook, relationships and sense of self-worth through a promise of abstinence.

A positive difference was made even among those who ultimately failed to live up to their pledge.

It is not easy to remain abstinent but that is no reason to avoid teaching it to our children. In fact, it is the very reason we should.

-Richard Harris, Shoreham